I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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