Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
