one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
