He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize