I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
