guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
