it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize