i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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