I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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