Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
