I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
