would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
