I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize