Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we're so committed to being not committed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
