You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
