I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Is it because I queefed?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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