im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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