I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
