mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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