I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
