Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
