whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
