just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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