i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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