I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
