I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
