So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
