Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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