I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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