i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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