You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
