im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
