Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
