the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize