when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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