Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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