I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
