I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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