Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
