After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Even my vagina gasped.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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