she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who died my cat blue again?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
