Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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