I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
