My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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