he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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