i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
