Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
