apparently the secret to your success is patron
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
