So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
