i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
