i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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