I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
