Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
