the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
