he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
