I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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