I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
