i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
