I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
