You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
