Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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