He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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