I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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