well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
