omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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