what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
are you so shy because you have an std?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize