So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i've created a new STD.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
