This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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