Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
