That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
