were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if only i could text you this smell
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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