What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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