She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
