dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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