Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
