The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There are leaves in my underwear?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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