I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
