becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
