And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
