I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
